He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
