and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
