I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
