I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
