Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
