Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
where are my eyebrows?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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