remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
