Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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