Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
