you didnt know i had herpes?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
