Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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