Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize