This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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