It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
