This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We need a shit load of segways right now
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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