good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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