Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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