Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
