I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
