apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
