Welp...herpes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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