Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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