i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
True college students do jello shots in the library
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