how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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