What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
