everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
