So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
