She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Even my vagina gasped.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
