You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
