Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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