Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
