If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
