Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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