Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
