I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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