dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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