Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
