this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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