there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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