Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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