and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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