I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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