You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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