If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
