So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
