I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
