I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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