By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize