Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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