One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
