bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Mom said you looked used
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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