Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
