I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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