Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
