Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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