why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
