No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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