He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
