Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
