Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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