Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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