: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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