You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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