i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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